This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
