Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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