He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
