I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
