If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
