dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
