I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
