remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
