david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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