please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
