She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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