Umm I'm too high to move.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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