your thong is hanging out like whoa
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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