I wish I only lived at night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
