Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
