i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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