my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
