I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
