Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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