I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
