I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
