it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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