Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
