Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
