it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
