I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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