I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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