If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drake has all the answers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
