It's Friday. Sex?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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