Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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