I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
