New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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