dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
