fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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