Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize