I puked a lego.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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