its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
