Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
