You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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