would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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