I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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