My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
