So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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