remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
