Sry I called you an 8
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
