I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
