but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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