His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
