and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
