she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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