I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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