i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
