all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
