At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
