She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
