I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
