none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
