Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
