apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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