ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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