I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
