Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This house was built for laser tag.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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