can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
