Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
