i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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