my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
