I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
