I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
