We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dicks are not precious.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
