hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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