It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
