Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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