so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
