I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize