moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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